Social Skills Problems

What exactly is a “social skill”?  Social skills typically refer to those behaviors that foster positive relationships with others.  These behaviors include things as basic as eye contact and voice volume to more advanced skills such as problem solving, communication, and self-management.  Comprising both verbal and non-verbal behaviors, social skills are the gateway to forming healthy, meaningful relationships with others.  Thus, when a child does not “not fit in” it is painful for everyone.  No parent wants to see their child have to experience rejection.

One reason for social skills problems might be that the child was never taught that appropriate behavior.  This doesn’t mean that the parents didn’t try.  Some people learn a foreign language easily, while others don’t – The same thing is true for social skills.  The child with ADHD may struggle with learning and/or displaying a skill due to inattention or impulsivity.  Another reason is the child may lack the pre-requisite skills to display the behavior.  For example, communication deficits may impair a child’s ability to advocate wants/needs.  In addition, many children do not understand others’ behaviors enough to self-monitor their own.  The child with Aspergers may struggle to recognize others feelings or body language.

Regardless, of the reason – social skills are critical to a child’s development and must be addressed as aggressively as academics.  Parents must realize that many children need assistance in developing the skills that may come natural to others, especially is they have learning difficulties.  The first step in treating the behavior is assessing what the child’s needs are.  Instead of saying your child “can’t make friends,” define what it means to be a friend and how you become one.  For example, does your child…

• Show interest in others behaviors
• Respond appropriately to touch
• Actively listen to peers
• Effectively communicate want/needs
• Share with others
• Maintain interaction through play or conversation

Breaking problems down into observable and measurable units is the first step to effectively address the problem.  The second step is developing a treatment plan.