Sibling rivalry is something that can be found in just about every household with more than one child. It occurs with all age differences, even adults, but seems to increase with children that are within a few years of each other. The constant bickering, name calling, tattling, and crying is draining on any family. There are some things to keep in mind when dealing with sibling rivalry that may help to strengthen the relationship between siblings.
The first thing to keep in mind is when and how often to step in to help solve problems. If you are constantly stepping in, then children will not learn to work out problems on their own. This is an incredibly important skill to not only furthering their relationship, but ensuring they succeed in the real world as adults. In addition, stepping in provides attention to tattle tale behavior. Not only could this serve to reinforce the behavior, but lead to the other child becoming more resentful. Unless the issues escalates to aggression or property destruction, try to stay out of it and let them work it out.
If you do have to step in, keep in mind that finding who to blame is not always the best way to go, especially in the heat of the moment. Start by immediately separating them with as little attention as possible as no one should be reasoned with during a crisis. Once they are calm, then sit down and speak with them about the events that lead to the blow out. Avoid taking sides as much as possible. You don't want them to focus on who did what, but more importantly, how they plan to work through their problems and what they could have done differently.
Ample time also has to be spent strengthening the relationship between siblings. Take time to set up and create activities that force the children to work together. Household activities are a great place to start, such as setting the table or doing the dishes. Each can be given a specific component of the job, but they must see that it gets completed together. Be sure to spend time praising them during the activity for their appropriate behavior - "Nice teamwork!" and "Great job working together." You should follow the activity with access to a desired item/activity that they can engage in together, i.e. watching their favorite show after dinner.
In addition to having activities in which the children need to work together, it is important to incorporate and enforce alone time/space as well. Older siblings often complain about the little brother or sister being "into their things." Helping them to ask and take space teaches them to respect each other’s privacy when they ask for it. This alone time helps siblings forget about their frustration and work better when together.
