Sharing Parental Attention

Author: Natalie Bremson

Most parent s are very well aware that children often have difficulty sharing toys or other objects with their siblings.  However, tangible items are not the only things children can have problems with, when it comes to sharing.

A parent’s attention is a very powerful reinforcer for a child.  Attention and time spent one on one with a parent, also serve as sources of comfort and security for a child.  For many children, dealing with another child receiving the same type of attention and individual time from a parent can be difficult and may result in changes in behavior.  This is often very difficult for older children, once a younger sibling is born and begins to require so much of Mom & Dad’s attention, not to mention attention from others.

Providing individual attention to all of the children in a household is, of course, a necessity.  Many parents become concerned if one child appears jealous of the other, or if behavior problems occur when one child receives parental attention.   Below are just a few tips on how to handle problem behavior arising from the need to share parental attention with siblings.

1. Be sure to take advantage of one child’s “down time” to provide the other child with lots of individual attention.  For example while one child is napping, the parent can make a point to spend time with the other child doing something special , for example playing a favorite game, reading a book, etc.  The same routine should be established daily, if possible.
2. Make certain to continue to attend to one child, even while actively caring for the other.  For example, while dressing a younger child, the parent can continue to praise the other child for any appropriate behavior, engage with them in conversation, etc.  Even though it may sound difficult with so much to do and pay attention to, these brief verbal interactions (or even looks, smiles, etc.) can be very helpful and are quick and easy to deliver.
3. Find ways to engage children in helping care for each other whenever possible.  An older child can help feed a younger child, or can help with smaller steps in the process (for example, bringing necessary items to Mom or to the child).  Of course any attempts to help should be praised very enthusiastically.
4. Try to arrange time for very reinforcing activities that can include both siblings, for example, watching  a preferred video.   During these times, try to provide attention to both siblings at the same time, and alternate individual attention between children.

Although most children are happy to have a little brother or sister come into the world, this is often a difficult transition for older siblings, who have become used to having Mom & Dad all to themselves.  Becoming a big brother or sister involves a great deal of change, and there is sometimes  a period of transition while the older sibling gets used to the new member of the family.  The tips listed above can assist in making the transition a little smoother.